Michael Emerson and the Power of Voice

A couple weeks back, with our 5-Sentence Scary Story Contest, we indirectly explored the power of voice when it comes to writing. As a writer, “voice” is important. I use it all the time, whether it’s in writing my Pocket Guides — a particular voice or writing style I’ve developed — or freelance copywriting for businesses (in which I mimic the voice/style of the business or organization).

Let’s say a written piece is like a drawing in a coloring book. The actual words and sentences are the black lines. The “voice,” or tone of the piece provides the color. It’s what really brings the words and sentences to life. Voice involves things like rhythm, inflection, emphasis, vocabulary choice, alliteration, repetition. All that stuff, when combined, give personality to the mechanical sentence structure.

Ted Slater, the winner of the 5-Sentence Scary Story Contest, won because his submission generated a feeling of terror (or, at least, suspense) because of the “voice” of the writing.

I bring all this up just because I want to introduce a cool video clip that illustrates the power of voice. It’s a nursery rhyme. Here’s the familiar text:

Little boy blue, come blow your horn.
The sheep’s in the meadow. The cow’s in the corn.
Where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
He’s under the haystack fast asleep.
Will you wake him? Oh, no, not I.
For if I do, he surely will cry.

Standard Mother Goose stuff. But what happens to these childish words when you add creepy inflection and rhythm (and, yes, some spooky music and lighting) to the recitation? What happens when you let Michael Emerson — Benjamin Linus of “Lost” — read the nursery rhyme?

This is what happens: It gets super-freaky. The power of voice. Behold…

That’s all. Just your basic Thursday dose of creepy awesomeness.

May 28, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 3 Comments »

Jesus Christ is Coming, by Jim Blackmon

It’s time, dear readers, for another Christian video along the lines of “The Breakfast Song” or “Jesus Is My Friend.” This one is called “Jesus Christ Is Coming.” It’s by a guy named Jim Blackmon. I have no idea who he is. But he is awesome.

This video has the appearance of something produced using green-screen technology from, say, a 1986 Cheap Trick video. But it’s not. As far as I can tell, this is a brand-new video.

As you watch, I implore you to enjoy the following:

1. The beautifully deadpan ivory-tickling of the keyboard guy, who appears to have been brought in off the street, perhaps from a local biker gang, and told to pretend he could play the piano. “Move your hands up and down, like this,” the director told him. “Show no emotion.” For a street-savvy biker, he was quite obedient.

2. The rhythm-less tambourine slapping of the tambourine girl, who seems to have been added for no reason other than the fact that, in the 1970s, sometimes there were girls in miniskirts who played the tambourine. I don’t hear any tambourine in the song, nor did I hear (or see) any female vocals, nor does it appear she actually knows much about playing the tambourine — or much about the song itself — so my assumption is that she has been added as eye candy. Wow.

3. The drummer is playing a rhythm all right, but only occasionally does the visual rhythm match the audio. This is clearly because he is trying to play two drums — a snare plus a bass drum with a kick pedal — while standing up. This is a difficult assignment. Pulling off a snazzy fedora like he’s wearing is also a difficult assignment.

4. I have nothing to say about the lead singer/guitarist, Jim Blackmon (I guess), except that you should watch for the 2:50 point where he plays tiny little laser beams out of his guitar, toward Satan, who appears to catch them in his clawed hands. I’m no guitar expert, but I guess you can get an effects pedal that lets you do that?

5. Yes, Satan plays a large role in this video. He has long, stringy hair, red painted skin, and horns, just like the Bible describes him. Worse, I’m not sure Satan’s appearance in this video is ironic. I would dismiss it as camp, but can it be campy if you don’t know it’s campy? I’m thinking no.

6. For a song about Jesus Christ, Satan gets far more screen time than Jesus. Yes, Jesus appears for about four seconds. But he seems a bit sheepish about the appearance. And by “sheepish,” I mean possibly stoned. That is possibly the least inspiring Christ figure I have ever seen, next to Carmen.

7. I may be mistaken, but do you think the guy playing Jesus is the same guy who plays Satan? If so, the theology behind this video is something I’ve not ever encountered. But it’s definitely intriguing.

8. The whispery-voiced “morally sound Phil Thomas Katt” at the beginning of the video frightens me more than the devil.

[H/T: Matthew Paul Turner]

May 27, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 12 Comments »

Q&A: That LA Trip

I’ve been told that people will stop reading your blog if you don’t post to it regularly. So here I am with my first post since last Thursday, when I promised to give you a recap of my trip to Los Angeles.

Where have you been? That recap was supposed to happen on Friday.

Sorry. I got home late Thursday night, and had a ton of work on Friday. Since I get paid to do work but not to blog, I had to prioritize.

You are a first-class sucker, Boyett.

You are a mean question-asker.

Point taken. And I’m supposing you took yesterday off because it was a holiday?

Yes, in fact, I did. Also, in honor of that holiday, I ate homemade ice cream, bounced my children on a trampoline, swung in a hammock with my 11 month-old nephew and two year-old niece, and got beat by my octogenarian grandfather in several games of Ping-Pong.

So how was the “Mad Max” trip?

Fast, but fun. I arrived at LAX late Wednesday night, took a taxi to my hotel, checked in and went to bed. I got up the next morning to go over the questions and answers for the interview, then took a taxi to the place they were shooting the interview. Left hotel at 9:15 am, though I wasn’t supposed to arrive until 10:15 am. I was planning on the notoriously bad L.A. traffic.

Was the notoriously bad traffic that bad?

Not really. I got to the place I was supposed to be at 9:40 am.

Oh. Nerd.

My taxi driver was Sikh. He wore a red turban and had a black beard that literally went all the way to his waist. He was nice.

There aren’t too many Sikhs in Amarillo, I’m guessing.

Not that I’ve seen.

So you got to the shooting location early. Where was it?

A little hidden theater off the 3rd Street promenade in Santa Monica. A couple of blocks from the beach.

Did you go to the beach?

Yes. Since I was early, I walked over to Ocean Avenue and hung out there for awhile.

That’s Santa Monica Pier behind me.

That’s a really dorky photo.

Agreed. Had I remembered, I would have taken a picture of the set-up inside the theater, for the interview. It was a green screen, with dramatic lighting.

A green screen is that thing they put behind you so they can remove your background, right?

Yep. In the final, produced documentary, it’s going to look like I’m giving my interview from the Outback. The real-live Australian one. Not the one where they serve Bloomin’ Onions.

How long did it take?

About ten minutes to apply makeup (yep: Hollywood), then an hour for the producer to conduct the interview with me, then some time hanging out waiting for my taxi to arrive to take me back to LAX for the return flight.

Do you know the questions in advance?

Yes. Thankfully. Though the producers threw in a few questions at the end that applied to other related documentaries they were doing for the DVD.

Do you memorize your answers?

Sort of. The deal with these kinds of shows is that they’re looking for crisp, clean soundbites. If your answers are too rambly or take too long to get to the point, it makes it really hard for the editors to fit you into the final piece. So I make a point to keep my answers tight and coherent. I’m not reciting anything—too fake—but I do practice a little ahead of time. Regardless, though, you’ll answer questions for 60 minutes and maybe end up with 3 minutes of actual footage in the finished segment.

Did you see any celebrities?

No. But there was a flyer in the restroom of the theater that advertised some acting classes with Jeff Goldblum.

Awesome.

Yes.

So, all that travel time for a 60-minute interview in which you might get three minutes on a documentary in the special features section of a DVD for a movie released 30 years ago. Really? Really?

Really.

Nerd.

…yeah.

May 26, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 5 Comments »

The Oddities of Expert-dom

One of the fun and interesting things about publishing books like Pocket Guide to the Apocalypse and Pocket Guide to the Bible is that, once you write a book on a certain subject, people think you’re an expert on that subject. So am I an expert on the End Times? Or, to cite my upcoming books: on sainthood? Or the afterlife?

Well, I’m more informed than most people on the subject, I guess. But it’s more likely that I’m an expert at doing research into a topic and then writing about it, explaining it, and turning it into a small, entertaining book with the word “pocket” in the title. (My field of expertise, then, is actually pretty narrow.)

Anyway, today I’m experiencing one of the weird perks of expert-hood or expertishness or whatever you want to call it. I’m in LA this morning being interviewed for a documentary. (Yes, I’ve done this before. And yes, I brought my sunglasses and tight jeans.)

This time it’s a bit new, though. My other stuff has been for cable documentaries about religion. But this time it’s for a DVD film release. Warner Bros. is re-releasing the 1970s Mel Gibson film Mad Max on DVD, and accompanying it will be a documentary feature about some of the apocalyptic themes in the movie. Me being an Apocalypse Expert (TM) — that’s what my belt buckle says, after all — I get to provide some witty insightful commentary. Or possibly just some regular commentary.

So I flew in last night, I’ll be pontificating apocalyptically in front of a green screen this morning, and I’ll return to Amarillo almost immediately afterward. Back home for bedtime tonight.

Tomorrow, of course, you’ll hear all about it.

May 21, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 5 Comments »

Obama on Faith and Doubt

I’m sure you heard about President Obama’s commencement address at Notre Dame over the weekend. It was not without some controversy among pro-life groups at the Catholic university. He addressed the abortion issue by calling for a reduction in abortions, working to reduce unplanned pregnancies, promoting adoption and working to care for mothers who do carry their children to term. And he called for these steps while also honoring the conscience of those on both sides, whether they’re pro-life or pro-choice, even though both sides won’t likely ever reconcile.

As we’ve come to expect from the President, his remarks were thoughtful, calm, well-reasoned and not at all inflammatory — and offered something for both camps.

But that’s not what caught my attention about his speech. The part I loved was this statement about faith and doubt, as the President challenged the students to hold tight to the religious and moral values they’d been taught at Notre Dame. “Stand as a lighthouse,” he told them…

——-

…But remember too that the ultimate irony of faith is that it necessarily admits doubt. It is the belief in things not seen. It is beyond our capacity as human beings to know with certainty what God has planned for us or what He asks of us, and those of us who believe must trust that His wisdom is greater than our own.

This doubt should not push us away from our faith. But it should humble us. It should temper our passions, and cause us to be wary of self-righteousness.

——-

I love that last line, and it’s something I discuss in O Me of Little Faith, which releases next year from Zondervan. Doubt and faith are not polar opposites, but companions. And doubt is not entirely negative. It keeps us humble. It keeps us from arrogance. It helps us remember that our understanding is limited. And in a world of religious extremism (Christian and otherwise), those are good things — very good things.

You can watch Obama’s Notre Dame commencement address or read its full transcript here.

[Thanks, Matt, for the tip.]

May 20, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 10 Comments »

Together, Let’s Make Kevin Bald

My friend Kevin Hendricks is a fellow freelance writer whom I’ve known for several years. We’ve written for some of the same magazines, commented on each other’s blogs, and followed each other on Twitter for a long time. He’s a good guy. He edits the highly valuable Church Marketing Sucks blog, along with lots of other stuff. He recently adopted a kid from Ethiopia. He likes to do crazy stuff like shave his head.

So when Kevin sent me the email below, I had to jump in and make a donation. Because the water issue is an important one for me, but also because Kevin needs a haircut (see photo at right). I’m passing along his Bald Birthday Bash plans to you just in case you want to get involved, too.

Keep reading, and help Kevin celebrate his 30th birthday with style, water, and follicle removal.

————-

Hey Everybody,

Next month I turn 30. I don’t have any grand plans and I don’t want any fancy gifts. In fact, I’m doing something kind of weird for my birthday. I’m going to shave my head (again).

You may remember that I shaved my head last year for my birthday, after you folks helped raise enough money to double my goal to pay for our adoption and bring Milo home (thank you again, by the way). Well, I haven’t had a haircut since and I liked that idea so much I thought I’d do it again.

This time I’m raising money for clean water. We take it for granted, but it’s something 1 in 6 people in this world don’t even have. And it kills 42,000 people every week (90% of them children under 5).

Those numbers are hard to grasp. I didn’t get it myself until we went to Ethiopia this spring to bring home Milo. I watched people carry 5-gallon jerry cans and fill them in muddy rivers with tainted water. I got sick myself from that water and holed up in bed for two days. And when we came home Milo had a little stowaway called giardia, a water-borne parasite that causes all kinds of digestive trouble.

Water is truly life. And not having clean water can be a death sentence. The crazy part is that it only costs $20 to give one person clean water for 20 years.

So for my 30th birthday I’m asking you to celebrate with me by giving clean water to 30 people in 30 days. If we make the goal, I’ll shave my head. I’m calling it the Bald Birthday Benefit.

In the few days since I launched this effort on May 15, we’ve already raised more than half the $600 goal. I might need to up the goal! I’ll still shave my head for hitting $600 of course, but if we hit $300 in only three days, what could we do in 30 days? I haven’t officially set a new goal, but I’ve got my eye on the ridiculous goal of $5,000—what it would cost for a well in Ethiopia. How crazy would that be?

So I hope you’ll help me celebrate my 30th birthday this year. Please consider a donation of any amount. Then tell your friends: forward this e-mail, write a blog post, put it on Twitter, tell your Facebook friends—heck, talk to someone face to face if you have to. If I’m going to be bald for my birthday I need you to spread the word.

All the details, including how to donate online or offline and answers to common questions, can be found online:

http://www.kevindhendricks.com/bald/

Thanks for however you can help, whether it’s donating, spreading the word or both.

————-

Everybody jump in and help Kevin. Make a donation through PayPal, blog it, tweet it, or do all three.

May 19, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 1 Comment »

This Week in Jason

Good morning, Jason.

Good morning.

How are you?

Fine. Thanks for asking.

This is a weird way to start off a blog post.

I agree, but you’re the one who just jumped right in and said “Good morning.” Not me.

Yes, but I’m you. You’re me. Existentially, we’re the same.

Any time someone starts off a sentence with the word existentially, I immediately tune them out because it sounds like a lot of pretension and philosophical arrogance. Also I don’t know what that word means.

Sorry.

Is there a purpose to this conversation?

Yes, but I’m supposed to be the one asking questions. What are you working on this week?

Lots of stuff. I’m finishing up a short assignment for a magazine. I’m close to finishing a round of edits on O Me of Little Faith. I’m preparing for an interesting project I’m doing later this week (but which I won’t tell you about until later). And I’ve finished reading Jesus, Interrupted and am starting to prepare a series of blog posts about it.

Also, I have my regular day-job work, and lots of it.

I’m intrigued by this “interesting project.” Please tell me more.

No. I said you’d hear about it later. Maybe Wednesday or Thursday.

Not even a hint?

OK, here’s a three-word hint: Mel. Gibson. Apocalypse.

Does it have anything to do with that movie Apocalypto? Because you haven’t seen it.

No. Nothing to do with that film. That’s all you get.

Did you like Jesus, Interrupted?

Yes. Very much. Quite an interesting book, but again, you’ll have to wait to hear anything else about it.

You’re such a tease. What are you reading now?

I’m reading an advance copy of Mark Steele’s new book, Christianish (David C. Cook), for a possible endorsement.

Is it good? That Steele guy is pretty funny.

Yes, it’s a good book and he is very funny. Mark seems to be a magnet for weird and terrible incidents. I’m glad he lives a state away from me.

Also, “Steele Guy” sounds like the name of a lame-o superhero.

Are you going to endorse it?

Yes. I just have to think of something clever to say by Friday. Which is the deadline. Any other questions?

Yes. Do you wear a funny hat when you go flyfishing?

In fact, I do. I went flyfishing on Sunday, and happened to take a low-quality portrait of myself in my genuine Australian bush hat and yellow polarized rock-star sunglasses. Here it is:

Where was this photo taken?

Cimarron Canyon State Park, in northeast New Mexico about 60 miles east of Taos.

Did you catch any fish?

Yes. A lot. It was a beautiful spring day and an excellent day of fishing.

Then why do you look so angry?

That’s just my blank expression. Apparently my blank expression looks like rage. This is an unfortunate discovery, and explains why my kids are always trembling when they speak to me.

Not really, though, right?

It’s time for this discussion to end. This has to be the most meaningless and boring blog post ever.

I disagree. Conversations are always interesting, even if they’re about nothing. We learned this by watching “Seinfeld,” remember?

Whatever you say.

May 18, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 3 Comments »

Five-Sentence Story Contest Winner!

Congratulations to Ted Slater, the winner of yesterday’s Five-Sentence Scary Story Contest. Honorable Mention goes to Lauren Sawyer, who also had an excellent entry.

To recap, I posted a photo of an unknown family standing in front of the world’s largest ball of twine in Darwin, Minnesota. I asked for a scary story to be written about the photo. Rules: the story had to have only five sentences, and it had to use the name Jimmy.

I was thrilled with the results. Some of you are really good writers — especially when it comes to establishing a mysterious and/or foreboding tone.

Why did Ted win? Though being longish in length, his story was very tight. It was bookended with the same creepy phrase (“Jimmy had a secret”). It contained a paragraph-length sentence held together with semicolons — a genius move. It had a dog named Scraps and the phrases “inglorious death” and “doorless tribal hut.” Nice work, Ted. (We shouldn’t be surprised: Ted is a publishing professional.)

Here’s his submission, along with the photo:

Jimmy Had a Secret

Jimmy had a secret.

He was well-acquainted with the legends surrounding the mysterious doorless tribal hut, had read all about it in the latest issue of National Geographic Kids. The stories of those who had merely brushed up against its fibrous exterior, all doomed to spiral into a mind-twisting dementia and an eventual and inglorious death.

He thought of his father, who had asked him (for the last time) to stop asking if we were there yet; of his mother, whose penchant for country music had grown wearisome; of his sister, who kept touching his leg in the car; of his brother, who never, ever let him hold Scraps, their pet dog.

And all this left Jimmy giddy in anticipation, for Jimmy had a secret.

————–

Shiver.

Congrats, Ted. Expertly done. Shoot me an email with shipping address and I’ll send you a book.

And great job, Lauren, who managed to work a creepy orphan, creepy nuns, a request to the gods, and the freezing of a soul into her story. Very nice.

Let’s do this again sometime. It was fun.

(And if you happen to know the people in that photo, you might check up on them. I’ve got a bad feeling about that kid with the dog.)

May 15, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 6 Comments »

Five-Sentence Scary Story Contest!

Time for something fun: a story contest. The people below are not anyone I know. They are standing in front of a fairly popular roadside stop in the Midwest.

Your job is to come up with a creative and frightening story to explain this photo, while adhering to the following five rules.

Rule #1: It doesn’t have to have anything to do with the actual real-life subject of the photo.

Rule #2: It has to use the name “Jimmy.”

Rule #3: Don’t ask why I chose “Jimmy.” I’m the boss, that’s why, and I wanted to insert a random guideline into the contest. Also, Jimmy is a funny name.

Rule #4: Your story must contain five sentences. No more. No less.

Rule #5: Your story must be frightening, moody, mysterious, or otherwise scary in tone.

The winner gets a free signed copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible. Of course, at only $6.99 a piece, we’re all winners. Am I right, people?

The contest will last until 9 am central time tomorrow, at which point I’ll choose my favorite five-sentence story. To get things started, my submission is below. (It is prohibited from winning, however, as I already have plenty of copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible.)

A highway rest stop became a place of terror when Jimmy’s dog Scuppers suddenly disappeared. They found him a quarter mile away, licking an enormous hairball. Just as they began wondering what sort of beast had produced this monstrosity, a man shouted “Smile!” and took their stunned photo. The man disappeared before the flash had faded from their eyes. Seven years later, Jimmy died.

May 14, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 11 Comments »

Tyler Frost, Carrie Prejean, and Newsy Believers

From the overflowing “Dear Christians, This Is a Bad Idea” files, let me pontificate upon two new celebrities in the world of Christian culture:

1. Tyler Frost, the boy who wanted to go to prom. Poor Tyler just wanted to go to his girlfriend’s prom. Only Tyler is one of 84 students at the Heritage Christian School in Findlay, Ohio. It’s a fundamentalist Baptist school, so therefore it prohibits dancing, rock & roll devil music, and inappropriate contact between boys and girls. (Hand-holding? True love waits, Tyler.)

So when 17 year-old Tyler announced he would be attending his girlfriend’s prom last weekend at Findlay High School — apparently, a hothouse of evil — the officials at Heritage showed him the love of Jesus by announcing that he would be suspended. And given an “incomplete” on all remaining assignments. And forced to finish his exams separately in order to get his diploma. And prohibited from attending his graduation.

Now he’s become a secular media sensation, appearing on CBS’ The Early Show, ABC’s Primetime, and elsewhere. He’ll probably have his own dance-based reality show by next fall.

When I hear or read stories like this, my immediate thought is: How does this make Christians look to non-Christians? How does it appear from the outside? What is the mainstream takeaway?

• Mainstream takeaway from this story:

a. Christians are so weird about this stuff.

b. Everyone loves an underdog. Root for the nice Christian boy rebelling against overly strict, controlling, no-fun authorities!

c. It’s like Footloose but for real!

d. What does this have to do with Jesus?

————-

2. Carrie Prejean, the beauty queen martyr. Otherwise known as Miss California, Carrie Prejean lost out on the Miss USA title because she spoke out (and not very well) against gay marriage. This annoyed pageant judge Perez Hilton enough that she lost his vote. She was quick to claim that her answer cost her the pageant win. So, as might be expected, within days Christians fell in love with Prejean because she had openly declared her faith (kind of) and was being persecuted for it (if losing a beauty crown can be described that way). Martyr!

Within days Prejean was appearing at the Gospel Music Association’s Dove Awards, signing with A. Larry Ross Communications (a big-time Christian publicity firm), and no doubt starting work editing a devotional Bible for beauty queens. Why? Not because she said anything much about her faith, but because she opposed gay marriage and lost because of it.

But now? The conservative Christians and Republicans are starting to feel some buyer’s remorse, as topless modeling photos of Prejean are beginning to show up, along with revelations that California state pageant officials paid for her to receive breast implants (read all about it here). It’s gettin’ dirty real quick, but that hasn’t stopped her from appearing this week on Dr. James Dobson’s radio show.

• Mainstream takeaway from this story:

a. So a beauty pageant runner-up becomes a conservative evangelical poster girl not for proclaiming her faith, but for opposing gay marriage? That is so weird.

b. It is hilarious that the conservative evangelicals got so excited about the gay marriage and persecution thing that they ended up with someone forced to defend her breast implants and tawdry photos. So awesome.

c. Again, what does this have to do with Jesus?

————-

Final thought: As a Christian, I think I’d rather have Tyler Frost as a Christian celebrity than Carrie Prejean. But, honestly, why do we need celebrities at all?

Let’s all steer clear of dancing, hand-holding, pageant pronouncements, and racy photos today. Better yet, let’s just stay out of the news altogether.

May 12, 2009 | Jason Boyett | 13 Comments »
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