So yesterday was the big “First 100 Days” milestone in President Obama’s administration. I’ve always found this to be a curious way to mark the passage of time. One hundred is a good, round number — when you’re doing math or measuring distances. But it doesn’t match up very well with a calendar.

One hundred days is three months…and change. It’s 14 weeks…and change. It’s one full season…plus change. It’s not an easily delineated length of time. Why the first 100 days and not the first three months? Or first 15 weeks? Doesn’t the national political culture know to ask for my advice on these matters?

And this year, the weird 100 days observance has gotten a little out of hand. Not only are we noting Obama’s first 100 days, but we’re also discussing the first 100 days of the Republicans during a Democrat administration. And the first 100 days of Michelle Obama as First Lady. (Even her first 100 days of fashion.)

This fake Facebook news feed of Obama’s first 100 days is pretty genius, though.

Anyway, here’s my idea. Even though the number is weird, I think we ought to ride this wave of 100s and expand it beyond the political realm. Specifically, we ought to begin celebrating 100-day milestones as they relate to all of life. To kick-start this campaign, we need to do one thing, and one thing only: Get the greeting card industry behind it. Once American Greetings begins rolling out a selection of quippy 100 days cards for every occasion, it’ll be unstoppable.

Here are some 100 Days greeting cards I’d like to see. Please send royalties care of Jason Boyett.

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Milestone:
First 100 Days Since Parole

Written inside the Card: You’ve done it! More than three months and you’re still a free man. Keep your nose clean, drive the speed limit, and remember to stay at least 100 feet away from all government buildings.

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Milestone:
First 100 Days Since Vasectomy

Written inside the Card: Still shooting blanks? Way to go! You’re probably OK now to forego contraception. Have fun!

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Milestone:
First 100 Days of Parenthood

Written inside the Card: If you haven’t completely lost it since coming home with the kid, then you may survive being a parent after all. Look at the bright side: Maybe, in another couple months, you’ll get to sleep through the night.

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Milestone:
First 100 Days in a Street Gang

Written inside the Card: Getting jumped in was rough, but now you’re seeing the benefits, right? The companionship, the neighborhood respect, the free ammunition, the tickle fights. Keep livin’ the dream, Jiggy B!

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Milestone:
First 100 Days as a Ghost

Written inside the Card: I know it’s hard to drift through the land of the living, voiceless and invisible and wondering when you’ll pass out of this limbo state. Also, the chains you’re dragging around have grown tiresome. But think positive! You’re spooky! You can pass through walls! Your white bedsheet is remarkably slimming! It’s not that bad, really now, is it?

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Milestone:
First 100 Days on a Mystical Island Following a Plane Crash

Written inside the Card: Those 100 days sure passed quickly, what with our leadership issues and the Others and the violence and polar bears and smoke monster and concrete hatch! But don’t worry. Things will work out eventually. We’re sure of it. At least, that’s what Damon Lindelof says!

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Your turn. What 100 Days would you like to celebrate?

Some of you are more disturbed than I am. Lots of good entries in yesterday’s not-very-inspiring “inspirational kitten” caption contest. Lots of entries that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Of the good entries, I couldn’t pick a favorite, so I picked three. If you three winners will email me a mailing address, I’ll get your signed copies of Pocket Guide to the Bible in the mail.

For the sake of over-achievement, I have taken the liberty of turning these photos and captions into posters. Enjoy.

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From Cameron Reeves (who, it should be noted, is a pastor):

From BrianinBC (who came up with one I might have thought of but probably wouldn’t have submitted):

And from Cheri-Beri (a home-schooling mom and boy am I glad she didn’t come up with the woodchipper one):

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Congratulations, Cameron, Brian, and Cheri-Beri! Get in touch.

To the rest of you kitties who didn’t win, hang in there. And if you really, really want a copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible, it’s only $6.99. Click the button on the sidebar.

I was making fun of inspirational Twitter posts earlier today and @shueytexas reminded me of the clichéd “Hang in There” virtues of the kitten-in-a-tree poster. Which I may or may not have hung in my room as an 11 year-old.

So I thought of a contest. Below is a picture of a cute kitten hanging from a tree. Your job is to come up with the best caption for this poster. The only rules: It must be anti-inspirational. So if you put this photo and your caption together, what you’d end up with is the least inspirational poster ever.

To kick things off, here are a few of my suggestions.

Caption #1:
Hang on as long as you like, but understand the boiling lava will eventually incinerate the tree.

Caption #2:
This kitten may be cute, but unfortunately it slipped right after this photo was taken and broke its leg.

Caption #3:
Bereft of companionship, this cat began hugging trees. Environmentalists are like that.

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Now it’s your turn. The caption contest ends at 9 am tomorrow, at which time I’ll pick my favorite and send the winner a free, signed copy of Pocket Guide to the Bible.

Ready? Go!

Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest. I’ve done it before, and now I’m doing it again. Don’t hate me, blog readers. Admire me for my transparency:

1. I sleep with a body pillow. If you ask about its purpose, I’ll tell you it help keep my lower back from hurting in the morning. But there’s the possibility that my pillow is cool, and soft, and maybe I just like to hug something when I sleep.

2. When my wife and I installed a new microwave a few years ago, we opened it, admired its gleaming white interior, and committed to each other that we would keep the inside of that microwave pristine. We have been remarkably successful. I never gave a thought to the cleanliness of anyone’s microwaves before that. But now? I will totally judge you if the inside of your microwave is nasty with splatters, bits of food, and muck. Disgusting.

3. I wear my iPod when I work out. You might think I’m listening to cool music to keep that adrenaline going as I sweat. But you’re wrong. I’m probably listening to NPR.

4. I once stole a key blank from a K-Mart in New Mexico while on a fishing trip with my dad. It’s because the key blank was blue! Blue! And so shiny! That theft haunted me for most of my childhood.

5. I know a lot of Hannah Montana songs. A LOT. Not as well as I know the High School Musical songbook, but still…

6. I experience the following types of envy on a regular basis: bestselling book envy; Don Miller envy; I-wish-I-had-thought-of-that-book-concept envy; “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” panelist envy; massive Twitter following envy; lots of blog comments envy; and ability-to-juggle-bowling-pins envy.

7. Outwardly I’m really proud that my 9 year-old daughter is interested right now in creating signs and other artsy documents using Microsoft Word. She’s becoming a graphic designer! Inwardly, I’m annoyed at her font selection. Comic Sans again?

8. My wife and I have watched every season of Survivor. I always think I’d be a good contestant on the show, because I can be a very convincing liar. I think it might be wrong, however, to take pride in your ability to lie. That’s like two layers of sin all at once. It’s the double cheeseburger of iniquity.

9. I don’t hunt. It doesn’t bother me if you hunt animals for food, but I’m not sympathetic to the idea of killing animals for sport. However, I love to flyfish. On backpacking trips, I eat the fish I catch, but mostly I release them back into the river. I’m really careful not to harm the delicate trout, you see — and I really hope the scientific studies about fish being unable to feel pain are true. But who knows? I might be a major hypocrite for catching and/or pestering fish for sport.

10. Once, as a preteen, I was skinny-dipping with my male cousins in a lake (during daylight) when a canoe-full of Girl Scouts — they were our age — paddled up and began talking to us while we treaded water. I’m pretty sure they didn’t know we were naked, but I’m not absolutely certain.

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Confess your own sins or oddities in the comments below. Because confession is good for the soul. And also it’s fun to read.

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Other personal confessions you might find interesting:

I read and enjoyed Twilight
25 things about me
13 confessions and a really vain bonus

Today is Earth Day, which means it’s as good a day as any to recycle a post. Last year’s post on Earth Day was one of my favorites of the year, and I’m gonna reduce/reuse/recycle by posting it again. The original post was called “Our Big Honking Stuff Problem.”

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Earth Day has been around, in an official capacity, since the late 60s. The earliest I can recall hearing about it was during my freshman year in high school, which was 1988. We talked it up a lot at school that year, and the student council was selling Earth Day t-shirts with something about saving the earth and recycling on the front. Green silkscreen. The shirts were cool. I bought one and wore it proudly on Earth Day.

I’m not sure of the chronology, but I ran into my 9th grade Sunday School teacher while I was wearing the shirt. I liked the guy. He was nice and fairly young. He was big-time into Young Earth Creationism (the literal 7-day variety), so almost all of our Sunday School lessons turned into discussions about where the dinosaurs fit in and how Noah could have crammed some baby dinosaurs onto the ark and whether or not “leviathan” in Job was a dinosaur reference. He was super-knowledgeable about that stuff and we ate it up.

This is the first thing he said when he saw me wearing my Earth Day shirt: “Why are you wearing that? You don’t believe that junk, do you?” He was not kidding at all. In fact, he seemed a little angry. I mumbled an answer about how I just liked the shirt, and how they were selling them at school. His implied message — that there was something unchristian about Earth Day — was news to me. I was stunned. I was devastated. In fact, I don’t remember ever wearing that shirt again. I never talked to him about it, but I definitely looked at Earth Day differently for the next few years. I didn’t buy any more shirts about recycling.

It was another few years before I decided that my dinosaur-loving Creationist teacher was flat-out wrong (about a lot of things) but especially for being so jerky about my shirt. I still see him every once in awhile. We’ve never discussed it. I’m not sure if he’s come around or not.

But I have.

And I’m not gonna soft-shoe it, either. Christians need to repent for having gotten in the way of the last few decades of environmental initiatives — for treating any environmental talk with knee-jerk suspicion, for acting like it’s all some sort of pagan/liberal mumbo-jumbo, for forgetting that creation care is a spiritual issue and a poverty issue and a human rights issue and not just a corporate or political one. It is not an anti-Christian thing at all…despite what our 9th-grade Sunday School teachers may have said.

It’s not a liberal thing. It is a human thing.

I’ll end the rant and try not to get too preachy about it (too late!). But here are some resources to consider on this Earth Day:

Read this: One of the best faith & environmentalism books I’ve read is Tri Robinson’s Saving God’s Green Earth. Tri is a pastor whose Boise church is doing some groundbreaking things when it comes to the intersection of religion and conservation. Some great articles at their website.

Two other great books are Serve God, Save the Planet, by Dr. Matthew Sleeth, and Go Green, Save Green, by Nancy Sleeth (Matthew’s wife). Lots of great resources at the Sleeth’s non-profit organization, Blessed Earth.

Watch this: We have a big honking consumerism problem. I have a big honking consumerism problem. And it’s good to recycle stuff and walk instead of drive and try to turn off the lights when you leave the room. But those are tiny actions around the edge of the problem. They won’t fix the environmental crisis. Instead we need to get to the heart of the problem, and its heart is consumerism. We use too many resources without thought of conservation or sustainability. We produce too much waste. We buy too much stuff we don’t need. That’s why I think the Junky Car Club is a great idea. That’s why I also want to recommend this short film by Annie Leonard. It’s 20 minutes long, but it’s a fast-paced, funny, eye-opening 20 minutes. You want to participate in Earth Day? The best place to start is by watching “The Story of Stuff.”

Here’s a teaser.

Watch the whole film at www.storyofstuff.com.

Try this: If a young person gets excited about something good — something that’s beneficial to someone else, even if you think it might be somehow misguided — do not discourage him or her from pursuing it. To do so is mean, selfish, and a crappy way to be human.

Yes, I’m talking about the Earth Day t-shirt thing.

On a Saturday morning a few weeks ago, my daughter, Ellie, was riding her scooter down the block. She came back in a hurry, a little frantic because, four houses away, one of our neighbor’s sprinkler heads had come off and water was gushing down their driveway. Ellie had learned at school that week about not wasting water. She was upset about the lawn geyser, “because we might run out of water someday.” She wanted me to go fix it. Or go turn off their sprinkler. My first response was to tell her it wasn’t our yard and we couldn’t really do much about it. And that their broken sprinkler was not going to drain our water supply. Then I thought about my Earth Day shirt, and my Sunday School teacher. And about Ellie’s out-of-nowhere passion for water conservation. So I walked down to that house and — despite getting soaked and muddy — screwed that sprinkler head back into place. Water crisis solved. Ellie was happy. In a small way, we saved the environment that morning.

Baby steps. It’s all about baby steps.

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Wanna do something small but environmentally sound, and which your kids will think is awesome? Try worm composting. Here’s a January post about my entry into vermicomposting. It’s fun, it’s easy, it’s healthy for your yard and garden, and it reduces the amount of stuff you throw away. Also, it’s thousands of worms.

Imagine my glee when, finally, I got a hit on my Google alert for ninja + sword + “dry cleaner” + robbery.

After all this time! Here’s the story, from the Patriot Ledger in Quincy, Massachusetts:

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WEYMOUTH — A man witnesses said was dressed like a ninja used a sword in an attempt to rob a dry cleaner on Main Street, police said.

The man, wearing a ski mask and a sword in a sheath on his belt, walked into the Tedeschi convenience store at 1039 Main St. around 8 a.m. Monday, Sgt. Richard Fuller said.

“All the witnesses said he was dressed like a ninja,” Fuller said. “He was in all black including the black ski mask. And they said it was a ‘ninja sword’ (he was carrying).”

A clerk, alarmed by the man’s appearance, called police. When the man noticed her, he pulled his mask off and asked if she was calling about him, Fuller said.

When she said she was, the man left the store and walked into nearby Galaxy Cleaners.

There, Fuller said he pointed a sword at the register and asked a clerk to give him all of the money inside. She told him she couldn’t open the drawer, and the man left the scene, Fuller said.

Police are still searching for the man, who witnesses said appeared to be in his late 20s.

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Questions and comments:

1. Why wear a mask in an attempted robbery if you’re only going to rip the mask off when the clerk calls the police?

2. There really is a Main Street in Weymouth, Massachusetts? That’s wonderful news. I thought “Main Street” only existed in films from the 1950s and in statements by TV pundits in comparison to Wall Street.

3. If you are going to go to the trouble of dressing like a ninja and brandishing a sword, you really need to follow through on your robbery attempt. I’m pretty sure a real ninja would not let a phone call to police dissuade him from his crime spree.

4. Same goes for the locked drawer at nearby Galaxy Cleaners. What good is a ninja sword if not for opening locked cash drawers?

5. In describing the employee reaction to the attempted ninja robbery, there is no better phrase than “the clerk, alarmed by the man’s appearance…” If ninjas are known for anything, it’s for causing alarm by the way they appear.

6. First it was the Craigslist killer. Now ninjas are trying to harm the dry cleaning industry. A bad week all around in the Boston metropolitan area.

I’ve been thinking lately about the questions I have for God, the kinds of things I would ask if I could get an answer, and which I do ask from time to time. They’re the kinds of questions that aren’t always acceptable to ask in some religious circles — they indicate, in some minds, a lack of faith (which not everyone deals with very well). But I think it’s healthy to ask questions of God. If you look at the Bible, guys like Moses and David and Elijah and Jeremiah all got away with asking very serious questions of God. Job spends a whole book questioning the Almighty…then God (sorta) rewards him for it in the end.

My upcoming book about doubt and spiritual weakness (Zondervan) asks a lot of these questions, and in most cases, they’re questions for which I don’t have good answers. The Bible doesn’t really have satisfactory answers either. Neither does most theology.

Because I’m editing the book right now and am curious, I’m wondering what questions you might ask God if you knew you could get an answer? Not goofy questions like “What is the purpose of mosquitoes, anyway?” or “Why allow the continued existence of Carrot Top?” but real, hard, serious questions.

Here’s my big question, at least for now:

Most so-called “proofs” of God are subjective, disputable, and can somehow be explained away by science. Why doesn’t God give us more substantial, objective proof that he exists?

That’s my question. What’s yours?

If you’re like me, you probably never think about how important music is to setting the tone of the images you’re seeing on TV or in a movie. But the background music makes all the difference.

Want proof? Check out the title sequence of one of my favorite childhood shows, Diff’rent Strokes, but without the chirpy soul music.

Willis? Arnold? I don’t care how fancy Mr. D’s limo is. You kids need to be careful. There are some creepy old guys out there.

Thanks to everyone who commented on yesterday’s “ideas needed” post. I’ve passed your suggestions along to the church guy and they are much appreciated…and might eventually be implemented. Who knows?

Since you were so helpful yesterday, I’d like to pose another question and see how you might respond to it. Because I’ve written a few advice books — Pocket Guide to Adulthood for 20somethings and A Guy’s Guide to Life for teens — I occasionally get sincere questions about certain issues from readers. I can’t answer all of them, but I do try to answer a few as I have time.

Yesterday I received the following email from a young man who is a senior in high school and seems to be pretty thoughtful. Read his questions below. (He’s agreed to allow me to post this, though I’ve edited out any identifying stuff to keep it anonymous.)

If you’re so inclined, I’d love to hear what you might say in response.

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Dear Jason,

Recently I’ve had a growing sense of frustration with the American Church in general and value your advice (and I’ll try to not make sweeping generalizations where one bad experience labels Christians everywhere).

But recently my Humanities class took a look at the genocide, cruelty and injustice that has ravaged the Darfur region of Sudan. My heart broke for the people as they related tale after tale of rape, murder, slaughter and starvation. One PBS video criticized the UN and Bush’s administration for essentially ignoring or understating the problem, but in disgust I asked, “Where is the church? Where are the advocates of the orphan and widow, the hands and feet of God reaching to the least of these?” I can’t help but question our incentives as we construct multi-million dollar facilities, skate parks, game rooms, and coffee shops that are built for our own comfort, while the world is bleeding all around us. Couldn’t those resources be better used to hold our palms against their wounds and cater to the needs of the hurting?

Not that I am above that affluence; as I write this I gorge myself on a plate of chicken in the comfort of a large home and later plan to drive in my truck that costs thousands of dollars. I don’t know, I guess my point is that I struggle to see the practicality of the extravagant money spent of making our churches comfortable. I know that the rich need to be ministered to, but wasn’t the only thing Paul and Barnabas were asked to do was to remember the poor, the very thing they were eager to do? As I read the gospels, it appears to me that things like comfort, fashion and entertainment weren’t very important to Jesus. I’ll be the first to admit to my own greed, pride and lust for comfort and the plank in my own eye; but should or shouldn’t our churches prioritize service to the hurting and poor community? Is there a balance in there somewhere?

That’s what’s been on my heart lately and I can’t really figure it out, and I appreciate you taking the time to look at this.

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Serious questions. How would you respond?

A friend of mine posed me a theoretical question about his church, and I think it’s a great one to put some creativity to. This modest-sized church has been making a regular debt payment around $20,000 every month for a few years. It intends to pay off this building debt soon.

Which means the church will soon be in the position of having an extra $20K in its budget…unattached to anything. Certainly it could spend the money on itself. New lighting, new audio/visual, new whatever. But this church doesn’t want to head this direction — which is highly commendable, in my opinion. It wants to use the money to do good in its community, to help people, and to make the world a better place.

So, even though the question is theoretical at this point, there’s a chance it really could happen. What this minister is asking for is ideas.

If your church had that much money to spend on others every month, how would you spend it?

I have my own ideas, but I thought I’d open it up to you guys. What would you do?

Comment away…

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(Note: When I say above that it’s “a friend of mine,” that’s not a sneaky way of referring to myself. It’s not me. Please don’t come asking me for $20,000 next month.)